:: HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED ::

What's up people! I just came back from yoga class and I'm currently pretty energetic 'cos teacher taught us a posture which could make more blood flow into our brain, so yea, guess I should just update my blog right now. I was actually planning to finish up my homeworks by tonight. Unfortunately, I got stuck halfway when I was doing my Addmaths so I suppose I'll finish them tomorrow :) . Typical Emily.

Tomorrow is my school's Cross Country Run at Taman Botani Negara in Shah Alam and it's friggin' compulsory. We had Cross Country Trial on Wednesday and it was darn exhausting! The slopes, the downhills and all were undoubtedly torturing. I should have skipped the trial with Privitaa so I wouldn't have wasted so much energy and ended up being dizzy and famished. Plus, I have extreme muscle pain ALL OVER MY BODY. It wasn't easy to finish the run even though it was merely 5km of distance. Oh I suddenly remembered how proud I was to finish last year's Chinese independent schools' annual jogathon which was 10km long. Oh I feel successful :) . Kay, back to the topic. I'm skipping the run tomorrow and at first, I was quite worried of what kind of excuses should I tell if my house master, Puan Lily, asks me about it. Then, when school was dismissed just now, I received a message from Dentist Woon and she said I have an appointment with her in the morning tomorrow. Holy I felt indescribably great!

Last week, I went to Midvalley with Juppie Jup :) . We practically spent our time chatting, gossiping and EATING. We seriously spent a lot on FOOD but it was okay. I felt better to spend more money on FOOD than clothes and all. Speaking about food, I just remembered my bestest food mate/childhood friend, Suanne, who left for Australia on Monday. I feel really bad as I didn't get to hang out with her before she left. I knew her when I was 3 and we know each other just way too well. I can't imagine my life without her being in Malaysia for the next few months and I can only meet her when she comes back for a summer break in December. A few months sound like centuries to me. This is simply miserable and depressing :( .

Suanne left, and who is the next one? Tharchanaa. She's my best friend in Sri KL and I doubt she's the sole person who understands me best. She can totally understand how I feel being in Sri KL and I'm pretty sure no one has the same kind of feeling, except for Tharchanaa. She's leaving the school after the first term and I don't think I could survive in this damn school without her. At least for now, I could spend time with her before school starts and during break time even though we're in different classes. After the first term, I might not be looking forward to having recess anymore as she will not be around and I'll definitely feel more than plain lifeless.

I thought I could keep this issue in myself but I really needed to spill out everything. I know, I was the one who made the decision to leave Kuen Cheng. I have to admit that I hated the school and I wanted to leave under any circumstances. I thought leaving the school would be the best option and life would have a big awesome twist after I left. Unfortunately, everything has become worse after the worst. People ask me how do I feel being in Sri KL. Honestly, I always feel like not responding but normally I will say 'It's okay'. Frankly speaking, it's worse than HELL. Why do I hate it? I don't know, I JUST HATE IT. I don't even feel like going to school anymore. I feel like rotting at home and do nothing or if I were in school, I would be sleeping until I get BORED of sleeping. Or maybe, I WOULD RATHER HOMESCHOOLING than going to that darn school. I know everything's too late and I deserve to be in such condition as I was stubborn and naive. I didn't want to listen and I have always thought that I was right. Finally, I guess this is what all of you are curious of... Yes, I regretted leaving.

After so many weeks of hesitation and worries, I eventually summoned up my courage to ask my parents about returning. But as expected, they refused. I have never felt so useless and dumb before. Some of you in Kuen Cheng might think I'm crazy because over there, I will have to catch up with their Advance Maths, Physics, Bio and Chemistry which we as typical KBSM students will only get the chance to study these in University. Like what Tharchanaa said, 'You can share your problems on stress with your friends but you just can't share your problems on friendships with stress'. True and precise enough.

I'm a disappointment to my parents. I'm sorry and I know a thousand or a million of apologies are already nothing to them. They probably think that I'm making fun of them. Transferring out, then wanting to transfer back. I can't blame on anyone 'cos it's my fault. Guess I will have to be stuck in this school for 2 more years. I totally agree with what Miss Serene said, 'Once you got used to the stress, environment and the extremely strict rules in KC, you belong to KC and if you were to leave, it's like half your heart is being taken away'. Whoever is considering to transfer out, PLEASE, be blessed and don't end up like me, feeling regretful over all the stupid things I've done. Whoever is considering to get in, PLEASE, study hard for the entrance exam and you'll definitely thank the school for pushing you crazily and you can never find a school that could make you more of an all-rounded and organized person. Kuen Cheng is like home to me, but it WAS hell to me. What has gone wrong in me, seriously?

I wonder if YiLing is doing great in Sri Garden. Hub, how are you?

Can I leave it all behind?

'Cause I can't turn back.

xoxo