:: FOREVER AND ALMOST ALWAYS ::

Happy Saturday peeps! I actually quite like the fact that I sound like I'm talking to myself 'cos I understand how nobody reads my blog anymore but oh well, at least I still find blogging really fun, hah. Days after the surgery couldn't go any worse. I've been eating just too much of porridge I feel that I'm currently lacking some essential nutrients 'cos I sleep a lot these days! Yesterday was the worst day by far. The family and I went to my gramma's house and my relatives couldn't stop asking me if I stayed up to friggin' study 'cos all I did there was sleep. Somehow the pain has spread to the entire left part of my head that I could even feel a tingle in my left eye, and that also caused my head to throb like shit. I actually brought my works there to finish, especially all the loathsome piles of Chinese works that I've been piling up for weeks, but I seriously couldn't bring myself up to do some serious work 'cos I was in horrendous paaaaain. God knows how long would I still need to bear with all these nightmares :( . 

Besides all those pain that I'm facing right now, I also have another problem that I've been quite worried of since last year but never dared to tell anyone. Since this blog is pretty much like my personal blog that nobody reads anymore, I shall just voice out what's been troubling me a lot. In around June last year, my back started to give me real shit 'cos I felt that I couldn't sit or stand with my normal posture. I felt so uncomfortable while having to stay static (especially during meditation in yoga class) 'cos a part of my back would be giving me a feeling that it was bending more to one side. I was a little bit scared at first 'cos I know myself, I care a lot about my posture and I'm definitely not someone who stays in front of the monitor and cares less even if my back starts to hunch. I didn't bother to tell anyone, especially my parents, 'cos I'm sure they would start lecturing me for staying in front of the laptop for too long, or that I would have to go for a checkup and the result would say I have an 'S' shape backbone like what you normally see on newspapers (I know I'm just being paranoid and all but you will never understand how much of discomfort I'm feeling almost every day with it). Also, I never like to tell people about my own predicaments until it gets so serious that it's too late to be solved, hell yeah stubborn is my middle name, but I was born this way.

So recently, I feel that my left hand is no longer as flexible as how it used to be and I feel that everything's connected. My back, and my left hand. My left hand is so tensed up recently that at times, it starts shivering when I give too much work on it. The reason why I started all this crap is because of my music classes just now. During piano class, I couldn't do good rotations on my left hand and I played crap. I got a little moody after that 'cos I felt that I couldn't control my left hand anymore. And during violin class, I couldn't do good vibrato and teacher had to emphasize so many times to me about having to relax my left hand 'cos my vibratos were all very stiff. Haih, I don't know what's wrong with all of these but every day I have the same wish, that is to get over with all these discomforts. It's been one year and dear blog, give me some wise advice? 

On the first day of Raya, my dad spontaneously suggested for a one-day trip to Bukit Tinggi early in the morning. Was feeling extremely groggy and lethargic 'cos I didn't have a good night sleep that night due to the pain but hey, Aquarians love surprises the most! I love having spontaneous plans, hah. During our journey, I got really sick of being stuck at the same place for hours 'cos the jam was yeah, that bad. Should have known that first day of Raya would cause such terrible congestion but oh well, daddy didn't bother why should I? To be frank, Bukit Tinggi was GOD DAMN BORING and I will never ever go there again. I mean, hey Malaysia has such beautiful place why can't the government invest more on it or put in more effort on improving it? Colmar Tropicale has got nothing inside even the desserts that we had in Boulangerie were terrible. My sister commented that the tiramisu cakes I made could go way beyond the level of the ones we had there. Bad, bad, bad. However, I seemed to be having tons of fun in the photos! Haha, always have to look good in photos even when my boredom is at the maximum level kay ;) .

Baked tiramisu cupcakes on Wednesday while having terribly swollen eyes and slightly swollen left cheek.

After baking for gazillion times, tiramisu cupcakes are still the ones that consume the most time. 

However, the outcome never disappoints me! Love them :) !

And you know when you can't sleep in the middle of the night, 

pampering yourself with some nice soothing music and some origami paper works 

is a heart's contentment filled.

While I watch your shadow burn in the dark, 

I hear the echo of your voice behind.

I look at myself in the mirror

and notice that all I'm left with is your ashes,

and a terribly torn heart of mine.

xoxo

:: FILL A HEART ::

Happy Tuesday peeps! Today's been a terrible day so far. Will talk about it later and I shall start with the surprise party yesterday. So before yesterday, ze friends and I were planning for a surprise birthday party for Senoja (ok basically I didn't plan much but a really big thanks to LingHui who has planned so much including the foods and the present hunting game for Senoja. Also big thanks to Jinghann who did most of the contacting with her family!) . To be frank, I had problems picking a present for her 'cos I personally am not a kind of person who randomly picks things from the malls and just wrap it with nicely decorated gift wrapper as a gift. I always want things to be special, to be something that can be remembered and much appreciated. Maybe that's the reason why I tend to spend so much time making things for others for birthday, for a sign of appreciation or anything else, that my parents get jealous over it, pftsh. There was once when one of my friends started asking me 'When will you ever make yourself something instead of making for others all the time even when it's unnecessary?'. And that was another reason why I made myself an origami minion to keep track with the trend, hah (you'll know if you catch up with my updates). 

In the end, I decided to record my cover of Yellow by Coldplay for her and also a short message that I've always wanted to tell her deep down from my heart. It's weird how I always remember bullshit that takes up so much space of my brain. I remember basically EVERYTHING that has come across my life. One of the odd virtues of Emily 'cos she also remembers everything that hit her when she was 3 years old? So yea, I remembered during our first or second conversation in the canteen (when we barely knew each other), we talked about boy bands, song covers on YouTube dots, and she said she loved Yellow by Coldplay and coincidentally it's my favourite song by Coldplay too! I promised I would play her this song on the guitar before we graduate high school and yo, I still keep the promise 'till now! I'm not sure if she still remembers, but once a promise is made, it's here in my mind, I'll strive 'till it happens :) . 

Enough about my gift for her. So, as what I've mentioned above, LingHui planned the whole thing for the present hunting game for Senoja and god knows what's in her brain, she did it so well the game was truly a huge success! She sure put in a lot of effort having to squeeze her brain juice for riddles (riddles' Senoja's favourite) and where or what to hide. So glad to have her being a part of the surprise 'cos without her, it would be such a bore! Lol, there were also intermissions when Senoja had challenges to do which LingHui got the ideas from A Minute to Win It. Aside from the game session, foods were great. We all brought our own foods and yes, yours truly baked them oreo cheesecake bars. So pleasant and pleased to hear that all of them loved it 'cos I normally baked normal cheesecakes instead of it with oreos. Tze Sheng's salad was a big hit! He's just, so good at feeding us, hurhurhur. 

All in all, the surprise was a success. Funny part was when her dad started complaining about how hard it was to stall for more time so we had ample time to deal with the preparations and all 'cos Senoja was simply insistent to return home after swimming, haha. Oh well, just a quick wish here: Senoja, I hope you genuinely enjoyed yourself and that it would be the most memorable birthday you could ever have, because it was from us :) . You're such a nice person I seriously cannot find anyone who can be as cordial, genuine, amiable, helpful dots, like you. Not sure if we would be heading to the same pathway for our future, I sincerely hope we keep in touch, come what may. Even if the clock strikes at the most impossible timing of life, let's just keep our hands entwined with each other's, and the other 'butt farts (pftsh, thank you TzeSheng for the unbelievably ridiculous name)' members. Thanks for everything, Senoja. You're special, really :) .

Here are some nice photos from Joyce's camera, yay.

FaceTimed with Jaslyn who couldn't make it 'cos she's still stuck in HongKong, haha.

Curse the poor connection :( .

Another really motherly friend that I truly appreciate :') , say hi to Jinghann!

So glad to have Joyce as a company in One Utama with some nice foods too! 

So, what about today? Today early in the morning, I woke up to get prepared for some oral nightmare, hah. Because my left wisdom tooth was being all notorious growing sideways instead of growing straightly like my right wisdom tooth, I had to undergo an oral surgery to extract it out. Consulted my usual dentist (not my orthodontist) for extraction but she said mine was a special case and that it would be risky if she had to do it for me. Hence, she reckoned I might as well go consult a specialist. After months of waiting for school holidays, my mom has eventually made an appointment with Dc. Wong for me. I got really paranoid 'cos I've been hearing stories about how eerie it would be to have to extract slanted wisdom tooth I even googled about it! Apparently there was this news about a guy who died after the extraction 'cos the inexperienced dentist also pulled out the nerves and he died of excess blood loss. 

However, everything turned out just perfectly fine! I had to go for an x-ray scan at first. Then, Dc. Wong said he also had to extract the tooth above my left wisdom tooth 'cos it was badly growing into my gum, so might as well get rid of it earlier. I was crazily scared at first. He started talking to me about school while friggin' injecting me some Dormicum and foooosh, I blacked out. When I woke up, only did I realize that I was unconscious throughout the entire surgery. I was desperate to go to the loo and once I stood up everything seemed to be spinning around me. Yeap, it was that bad. I walked like a drunk that the nurse and daddy had to help me out with walking hahaha. Dc. Wong then gave me a list of a must-know information regarding the surgical procedure for my post-operative comfort. I didn't feel much pain at that time 'cos my left cheek and tongue were numb. Nevertheless, the list that he gave me consisted of some information that I find somewhat interesting and hilarious, hah. One of the funniest is that I must try not to sneeze and I must not blow my nose for 1 week as it might affect my stitches, lol. You seriously can't expect someone who has terrible sinus to not sneeze or blow her nose for 1 week. 

When I reached home, I slept, again. Basically today I almost slept forever 'cos of the injection. Sadly, I'm slowly feeling the pain because the numbness is leaving me, nooooo. So many pills to take in I even have sleeping pills for tonight! Also, the mirror tells me I'm getting a swollen left cheek, how sad is that :( ? Besides, I'm eating porridge for every meals and not like my maid's porridge is favourable or what. Someone, SOMEONE, get me nice porridge from any Dim Sum restaurants please. Feeling like I'm turning back time to the time when I first had braces. Ahhhh.

Living in the world of confusion,

every day I never fail to ask myself,

where do I stand in your life? 

xoxo

:: ALL IN MY HEAD ::

Somehow I've brought myself back to blogging recently and realized that blogging as a hobby has never left my soul because once I start, I can never suck it back. It's just here, it keeps my fingers go typing on and on. People tend to forget about blogging once they get attached to other social websites like Facebook, Twitter and so forth, but I always prefer blogging to express myself. So for this post, I'm gonna start off about my day yesterday. Yesterday was indeed, a worth-reminiscing day. In the evening right after my music classes, Wendy and I took the bus to Midvalley for dinner before heading for KCWO annual concert. Only then did I notice that taking bus is no longer a big part of my life like how it used to be. Looking back at those days when I used to be in KuenCheng, taking bus was so common for every single one of us. I even had to depend on public transportation to return home every day! Once I left, of course, it took me hard time for me to adapt to the environment how taking bus seemed untypical in my school. And yes, you can't even see a single shadow of a student at the bus stop nearby! 

While we were loitering around without having any directions, Wendy had big time spinning a yard with words about what I've missed out so far. But of course in this phase of teenage life, we talked about further studies after high school and I realized, oh my, we are growing up for real this time. I remembered how I was her desk partner 6 years back and how badly did I leave my hand marks on her back for my hitting habit every day, I remembered how the classmates never failed to see eye to eye that we had the most entertaining laughter in class, I remembered how everything did not stop changing but always thankful that the friendship between Wendy and I has never changed despite all the changes we are facing every day (sorry for being all long-winded as usual) .

We had bad time getting a place for dinner 'cos it was 'buka puasa' time and virtually every single restaurants in the entire mall was fully booked. Even if it wasn't, god knows how long would it take for us to get our way in the queue! Then, when I got seriously frustrated, we decided to go to Gardens instead of staying in Midvalley getting ourselves starving like shit. And so we had dinner at Pastis. Ambiance, food, service - Perfect. What more can I say?

After dinner, we took the bus to KuenCheng. We were a bit late but well, you know how important punctuality is for Chinese schools. So we were locked outside until their next performance. So glad to be able to meet up with YiLing after so long! Had a long chit-chat moment even during the performance 'cos no one could stop us, we're both really unstoppable big chit-chatters ;) . During break, I met up with YiTeng, Gillian and many of the other girls. Getting to meet up with YiTeng was really priceless as we hadn't been talking a lot ever since I left, especially when she's always so busy and we didn't have chances to hang out. Basically the concert was great! Was there to support RueChien and holy, she looked god damn handsome in the band attire, drools. Their performance was musically magical it would actually make you feel that you were simply listening to some random songs from the radio! Thanks for the performance, and thank you my beloved friends for making me feel that I still belong to the school :') .

Baked Oreo cheesecake bars in the afternoon :) !

Some nice foods in Marriott Hotel. 

And a little something from my friend that made my day right before school on Thursday!

Good to know that I'm slowly forgetting,

slowly letting go,

slowly walking back to life,

but I can't stop another part of me

from slowly ripping apart. 

xoxo

:: DON'T YOU WORRY CHILD ::

Our 2-week holidays are officially here and I feel nothing. Probably because I've come to realize that oh my friggin' god I have so much to study for SPM! It's really exciting knowing that it's our last holiday before our one-month nightmare and our next holiday will be of paradise and heavens, BUT on the other side of the coin, it's simply frustrating and stressful knowing that I have mountains of never-ending books to burn using my brain juice. Haih, honestly can't wait to get over all these and start college life because I'm so sick of having to be stuck with more than 10 subjects when college only requires 4 subjects. The subject that I worry the most for SPM is Chemistry. I just can't seem to absorb anything related to Chemistry. It never seems comprehensive to me with all the plus and minus equations whatsoever. I never get why most people tend to think that Chemistry is the easiest amongst the 3 sciences 'cos I suck at it all the time since form 1 I don't think teacher still has her hopes on me. Studying something, something that you dislike especially, is dreadfully tiresome :( , I just wanna get this piece of shit out of my life as soon as possible, ARGH.

Stayed back for a short lunchtime with ze friends just now in Shakespeare. Tried their caramel pavlova for the very first time after being convinced by TzeSheng and holy crap, it tasted so good and heavenly! Honestly speaking, it should be one of the unhealthiest and most fattening food in the world 'cos it's meringue and it's mainly made of egg whites and confectioner sugar, not even 0.1 percent of flour! Damn, I can foresee my future of obesity, yay? Most of the girls ordered salads, I don't know why 0.0 , 'cos I personally would only order salads as my appetizer, correction, only Caesar salad, oh yeah see how it rolls!

After that, I walked back to school with Joyce when her transporter reached while I went to the band room. Haih, recently being in band room has been indescribably saddening. I've been in band for less than 2 years, around 1 and a half year in precise, but I felt that I've been completely bonded with everyone there. Sitting at a corner and watching them play as a team, without me playing (or much rather without us, the retirees playing) was... haih. Band camp in June was great, almost as great as last year's. Both camps have managed to bring us to a much higher level. We got to know each other better, we see things from different perspectives mostly from the positive sides, we learn things involving unity and team work. It was all about a band, a school band. Although I have to admit that sometimes the practices could be seriously annoying, at least at the end of the day, we knew we were all having fun :) . I guess it's time for me to stop going on Friday since I do nothing there, might as well return home and get some sleep?

So, last Sunday was an amazingly productive day. Ze friends and I decided to go to Skytrex, Shah Alam to have some adventurous thrills, hah. I was a little bit worried of Joyce at first 'cos she couldn't calm herself down the night before that! She had fears of height, and of course, Skytrex has flying fox, super high ladders that are enough to burn your fatty layers dry, DOTS DOTS. Nevertheless, after all those monstrous challenges that seemed endless, she managed to overcome her fear and we were all so proud of her! I will have to say that Skytrex has given me one of the best experiences in life, getting to try out so many new things that I never knew I would be able to try other than getting chosen for National Service (OMG speaking of it, I DID NOT GET CHOSEN how lucky am I yo?). Not to forget, we have become more knowledgeable in a good way getting to understand more about the harness that kept us alive. HAHA, without it where would I be? Go have a try peeps, you'll never regret it and trust me, you'll have the time of your life flying across the trees momentarily feeling like a bird!

#P.S: Big thanks to Senoja for hosting. :)

Apart from all those craps, here are some photos of 

#emilyhasherownwayofbaking.

Red velvet cookie sandwiches with cream cheese as filling for my mom's birthday.

Cheesecake cupcakes with cinnamon crumb topping for my piano teacher's birthday. 

Tiramisu cake for all teachers in my music academy.

 

Chocolate whoopie pies for band members before heading to Cameron Highlands.

And here's a little something that's written by YingHui.

#wellsaid and #motivating. Haha, being her usual-self. 

As things between us get seemingly quiet recently,

I honestly hope it's not coming to an end.

Even if it is, don't remember how it ends,

But remember how it started. 

You started it all, not me. 

xoxo