:: JUST SO YOU KNOW ::

Bonjour everyone! Here to update! I'm seizing every second of my leisure time to think about what I should write about for my next update as I will not be updating so frequently when the time comes to the lane of hell, August. Right, I'll be sitting for two trials continuously then straight to the actuals. Trust me, you'll miss my updates from the month of August onwards! Heh.

My oral group was chosen to be assessed by Mr. Daljit. I wrote the oral script all over again 'cos our original oral script was lost. Well, even if it wasn't lost, I would still elect to write a fresh one since the original one was so lame nobody could actually comprehend what we were trying to say. Hence, I wrote an oral script about 'Harry Potter & the Peculiar Wand'. Everyone who read it gave me the same response: "LAME". I have to agree with them. Haha. So, during the 2nd recess on last Thursday, we rehearsed once outside our classroom before heading to the library to be officially assessed. We were enormously nervous our legs couldn't stop being wobbly. When we stepped into the library, there Mr. Daljit was sitting at a corner, waiting for us. Holey shyt, my heart pounded real rapidly I felt sick, probably almost to puking. Oh FYI, Mr. Daljit is the head of English department. According to some of my friends, he's the most strict English teacher in our school. How can you tell me not to feel scared? We started our dialogue. After that, we were asked to answer a few of his questions. To sum it up, it wasn't that scary after all. I've got 13 marks over 15, which I'm already pretty satisfied with it. Also, Mr. Daljit was acting quite friendly to us on that day. It may be one of his innate good sides!

Computed my average mark for this term's school exam. Improved. So what? It's considered the almost-lowest average mark in my class. Some people may tell me 'Don't compare yourself with others. Your friends in your class are psychos'. No people, I am NOT comparing my results with others. I'm competing with myself. I'm challenging myself, giving a target so that I would be more motivated to study hard to reach my goals. I failed. Do you know how it feels to have the kind of feeling, feeling so devastated like an unenthusiastic berserk girl. Sometimes, I feel like putting myself into a campaign to get rid of my hassle and problems. This is it. I, will just face the fact that I may not be the best, but in my parents' eyes, I am the best for I've done my best. URGH This is just such an absurd consolation to myself! The agony and exasperation deeply in my soul is so intangible it's giving me too much of torments. Save me :( .

On Sunday, we went to Uncle Andrew's birthday dinner. It was supposed to be on Saturday but heck, there were so many Bersih rallies all over Kuala Lumpur for protestations, causing so many of road-blocks. Plus, the restaurant is nearby KLCC. How could we manage to bring ourselves there? Bloggers are all talking about Bersih. No worries. I'm so not talking about that. I'm getting bored of it already. Let's just pray that Malaysia will survive, hehe. The dinner was normal as usual. Aunty Jenny's cakes never fail to be complimented. Oh yea, I'll be taking cookery course near my house after JUEC. Boy I just can't wait! Down there, you'll see a picture of me with a pair of sheer grey eyes. When you simply glance across it, you'll actually have the first thought that I might be wearing grey-coloured lens. But when you really look into it, you'll see a person who looks like a blind person with uncoloured eyeballs. Go and check it out ;) . Pictures wholly belong to Aunty Ruth. Enjoy!

I was rushing with my art homework few hours back. Came back home from school and daddy fetched me to a bookshop nearby to buy some stuffs for my art homework. Students who are not taking for the art exam in JUEC were given a homework to make a card. I found some decorations which are opportune to the idea I've thought last night (from the net precisely). Eventually, after some help from Jane, and so many hours of cutting and adhering, I made a friendship card. It wasn't that bad. In fact, I kind of like it. Haha. Pictures are below. You'll see a picture of a piece of paper. It's a shot of the paper I used for the card. It has many hearts on it, yay!

I used to love making cards. Anything to do with art and crafts was my cup of tea. I lost interest suddenly I downgrade myself a lot. Anyhow, I'm still glad I didn't screw up my homework, though. You may not like it BUT I LIKE IT. Probably mainly because it's partially covered up with polka dots! It's 10pm already. Wanted to study a little bit of Science. D: Brain-resting. Goodnight readers :) . I'll update on Sunday if I have time. TTFN!

The flimsiest obstacle in life

Gives your life

The aura of ecstasy and satisfaction.

xoxo

:: FLY EMIRATES ::

Exasperated,

I know, I never promised it would be until my death,

But sometimes to go on I can see just a way,

Breakin something on your head,

So maybe you would be able to keep silence at least a minute of your day.

xoxo

:: STOP AND STARE ::

Happy Tuesday peeps! Been through quite a hard time last week. Took back all the exam papers and none of them literally reached my heart's content. I don't know. I tried so hard, and yes, I tried the hardest for this time including the exams when I was Junior 1 and 2. I studied so much I just couldn't find a better way to improve. Well, there is a slight improvement, but the ones which dropped have dropped drastically. I kept whispering to myself "Emily, your hardwork will be made up for all the discomforts". Everything ended up like a blank piece of paper. You wouldn't want to imagine how much the wounds on my maimed fragile heart have doubled and trebled. I'm yearning for a place which is just a ticket to me. A place with no worries but glee beyond boundaries.

On Saturday which is within the exam weeks, I went to my cousin brother's wedding lunch. I didn't want to go 'cos I had so many subjects untouched, like Geography and Sejarah. But it was something like my cousin brother's once-in-a-lifetime thing, so I went. Plus, he stays in Singapore and I rarely get to see him here. I brought some books and studied a few pages. was sort of distracted by my cousin sister as she couldn't stop annoying me. Also, some of my relatives who sat pretty far away from my seat asked my mum why didn't I lift up my head but kept looking downwards. They didn't know there were books on my lap. They thought I was moody or sorts. LOL. Then after the wedding lunch, they came and coax me that learning how to chill is even important than studying so hardly. That I have to agree with them. I was real nerdy there. Some of the strangers looked at me with the 'omg that girl is peculiar' eye contacts. Wanted to stop studying but I really had no ample time. The spiritual enforcement, yes it was.

To reflect on it, the wedding lunch wasn't that bad. The food was okay. Nothing special. But I got to meet my relatives who I've met when I was merely 3 from America. As usual, my cousin sister (shuni) sang on the stage with my another cousin sister who we call her the secretary of ShuNi. Their singing can damage my eardrums man. Sorry to insult, but they insisted singing songs which were totally out of their voice range. Nothing much about the wedding lunch. Recalling it just makes me blame on it for occupying so much of my revision time hah. Photos speak it all. Enjoy!


On the last day of exams, me, yTeng, zSan and zYuan headed to Sunway Pyramid right after the KH paper. Gillian didn't get to go 'cos her mum sort of grounded her. She'll be only freed off after our JUEC exam, which is gonna be a long long time. I know I'll be very disrespectful to her mum if I backstab her here but I still wanna say things about her. Firstly, does she know what is the exact definition of teenagers? Teenagers are meant to be given an appropriate life of a teenager, we call it a teenage life. A teenage life consists of so many varieties like playing truant every day with bad juveniles OR viewing the situation with positive perspectives, studying and enjoying life with friends. Does she think that her very own daughter should be stated in the group of playing truant every day, no? Her daughter needs a life; deserves a life; wants a life. She thinks that life without outings and conducive rules are what a teenager needs to have a brighter future. Does she think so this way. Then she's so wrong. She wants her daughter to quit athletics when she already knew very well that she has the talent and she performed so well showing such motivated aptitude. Please, as a friend, I don't care whether you're gonna scream at her for having a friend LIKE ME, but I would like to cordially tell you that, loving a child, is not like this. Give her, a LIFE. End.

Must be bored with all the craps and blabbering, but I myself did enjoy the typing haha. Okay. We wanted to watch a HongKong comedy but ended up watching another comedy about the racism between different religions. Although there were so many obscene scenes and so many swear words used, we learned quite a few facts regarding Jews and Islams from the movie. Oh yea, I forgot to mention about the name of the movie haha. It's 'Infidel'. It's a so-so movie. Can't say it's good, can't say it's bad too. Maybe a rating of 3/5 will do. Before the movie, we had lunch in a ramen restaurant. Was chatting and gossiping. Had a real fun time with them. Okay, it's turn for the pictures to show off!

Wanted to mention about another very traumatic thing I knew few days back. Seems like I'm lack of time 'cos I have some stuffs for me to finish up right now. I shall talk about it the next time I update hey? Gonna get back my Biology paper and English essay tomorrow. Firstly, teacher said the points in my essay which should be relevant to the importance of saving the earth are kind of, hidden in the mist. Meaning the points are not written clear enough. To exaggerate it, I consider my essay out of topic even though it's not. Also, teacher said my summary is lacking one more point because I joined two points in a sentence. In short, I flunked my essay paper. Biology. One word and you can get the picture: FAILED. Okay, goodnight.

I was waiting for you

Outside a dilapidated empty house

Located in an unknown suburb.

You never knew

How picturesque your back is to me

How much I wanna make a difference.

I know I'm gonna get through,

Albeit rather tough.

Just 'cos you would be there.

But you weren't.

Why,

Why didn't you turn back?

xoxo

:: UNFAITHFUL ::

Good day earthlings! I'm darn free now 'cos exam is officially over! *rawr* Today's the last day of exam but I'm not as happy as expected earlier, though. We will have to sit for a few more trials soon and then only PMR and JUEC. Life's like this, so eventful yet feeling so empty. What about the exam? It was, not that good... but better than the previous one. I've tried my very utmost already. It's the maximum of what I could do. I couldn't do anything more than that. So I would like to say I'm pretty satisfied with my performance for this exam even though I sort of flunked Physics and Biology. Let's not talk about the exam hey?

Let's talk about the week before school reopened. I received an email from the Singapore Ministry of Education. Yeap, I've been shortlisted for the ASEAN scholarship exam on general ability, maths and english tests in Garden International. I didn't bother much 'cos I wasn't even thinking of heading to Singapore anyway. Dad knew and he kept encouraging me to give it a go, but I was heck lazy 'cos if I were to go, I had to wake up at 6.30am. Plus, the tests and all the activities were separated into two days, which were a Saturday and a Sunday. After a few days, I received an airmal about the scholarship thingy again. Didn't bother too. Gillian was like my dad. Both of them kept telling me to go, but I insisted staying at home. On Saturday, Gillian messaged me after the tests and said only 6 students were chosen from each school. Blimey! SIX students! I didn't know it was so limited! Only Me, Gillian, Seth, Beng, MunHeen and JiaJie got shortlisted! I was the only one who didn't sit for the tests. People who are way better than me like SongLim and Sam didn't get the chance! Until now, I feel extremely guilty. Look, if I didn't register for it in the first place, maybe people who wished to be chosen would have been chosen. I threw away the chance of a gold. Slap me.

Mummy registered Sri KL for me. I will have to sit for the entrance exam with Jane on the 2nd of July. Which also means, I WILL BE SKIPPING ONE DAY OF SCHOOL! Hah I feel awesome. Thinking that I will be skipping PE class just makes me go hyper LOL. All of us, will be separated to our own lane next year. I'll be transferring, zYuan will be in Cempaka homeschool, yLing will be in Sri Garden whilst Gillian going to be in Singapore. Anyhow, this is for our own good. Kuen Cheng High is definitely not a school for humans. It causes extreme brain damage, torture with absurd school policies. Leaving is for the continuity of our live. I'll break down into something other than maltose, polypeptides or whatever thingies (sorry, too much of science hovering in my mind) if I were to be in this stupid school for two more years.

Birthday bashes! I know I know. These are things of months ago. But I'm still gonna blog about these. Firstly, it was yLing's birthday. We surprised her during the 1st recess. We bought her macarons and a photo album. Tell you what, most of my friends who flipped through the photo album said the same thing, "Yerrrr, you guys are such good friends. I hope I have friends like you all." Hahaha Yes we are! We spent about a month time to finish up with all the decorations, the words, and also adhering the photos of our memories. She was so touched her tears couldn't stop trickling. The most successful birthday bash ever!! She thought we have forgotten about her birthday. No worries! Your birthday can never ever be forgotten! We cross our heart! Thanks for the tears of pearl, they're beautiful XD. Alright, YiLing, I hope you like all the things we did for you. They're all about our sincere and love for you. Happy birthday :) .


Secondly, yTeng's birthday bash! We pretended like we knew nothing in the morning. I didn't wish her at all. But well, it was quite obvious that we were pretending. She knew, I guess. Since she pretended like she knew nothing, we might as well pretend haha. We surprised her during the 2nd recess. She didn't look surprised at all :( . Bought Uhu Uhu! cupcakes and an Oscar award for her. The lamest gift ever ahah. Oh and, the box for the award stated that it must only be given to winners, and it also says it's fragile. How cute :D . Dear YiTeng, next time when there are chances of birthday bashes for you, ACT LIKE YOU'RE SURPRISED so we can feel successful. Best is try to show us a few drops of your tears. Hahahaha we'll see ;) . Happy birthday and we love you. Don't pressure yourself so much. We're worried of you. We don't wanna see you staying up till 3 o'clock every day to study. We understand, all the stress you shoulder as the top student for the entire form is indescribable. But you still have to learn ways to chill. Okay :) ?

Lastly, zYuan's birthday bash! The most depressing birthday bash I would say. FYI, she's a HUGE FAN of YogaLin. Her mum didn't want to get her his new album so we were planning to buy her one and get her a soft toy together. Early in the morning on her birthday, I handed the donashi and the gifts to yLing. When I returned to class, she was telling us that her mum got her the album on Sunday. We were so shocked we didn't know what to say. YTeng said 'This will be the most surprising birthday gift for her'. Haha yea indeed. So during the 1st recess, we celebrated her birthday in class. Her expression went O.O when she opened the paper bag with the album inside. She was screaming 'AHHHHHH I GOT THIS ONE ALREADY!!'. How miserable... :( . This co-incidence brought us a lesson, which is to assure that the gift you're gonna buy for someone is something which she/her does not own. Anyway, happy birthday, son. Please continue being the crazy old brat haha. Have fun in life :D !

Our very last year,

with such beautiful memories :) .

I love you all.

A friendship won

A friendship lost

A friendship full of love and trust

A friendship gone

A friendship there

A friendship that we'll

ALWAYS share

xoxo

:: SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH ::

I, am so pressurized, by everything. Not like my friends in my school are chilling or what. And I'm definitely not making my life and theirs a comparison. I just wanna voice out everything that has never been revealed. No peeps, this is not an emo post. I wanna let my thoughts to be known, to be noticed, to be acknowledged.

Ever since I was born, I have always been the daughter of my parents who just simply acquiesce to their demands and their words. Now sometimes, I would just reminisce about everything. Not exactly, reminisce 'cos they aren't a good thing. So I would better say recall. When I was merely 5, my mum gave me two must-choose-one options, which were to go for violin OR ballet class. I was not even thinking about going for both but what could I do? I had no rights to defend. Violin and ballet? No way. Since young, I think violin could only produce squeaky sounds and to me, they were definitely not MUSIC. Ballet? Imagine myself dancing along the song of Fur Elise. More no way. I had to choose one on the spot and I, chose violin. The worst decision ever. But I was forced to do so. Until now, I still hate myself being a part of the violinists on planet earth. I suck in every bow, every double stops, every pizzicato, every turki, EVERYTHING!

Until when I was standard 6, my mum FINALLY thought out of the box. She asked me if I were keen to sit for the WMS entrance exam. Which meant, if I passed, I could put down EVERYTHING in Mandarin. Basically, my Mandarin has never been good. Oh and just for your information sake, I failed my Mandarin in the last term school exam. My FIRST time. I didn't bother much, since I suck in Mandarin so much already. I went, I studied so much for the entrance exam, not for UPSR, eventually I passed. You wouldn't know how jovial I was. I was like on cloud nine to the maximum words just couldn't describe. Think about it. You get to put down things you loathe for so long. Ain't life just fabulous with such brusque changes? Oh and, do you know that this friend of mine who was the top-5 student in my primary school failed the entrance exam? See? I've got such precious opportunity my parents didn't notice. They simply dumped me to this STUPID HECK CHINESE SCHOOL without even asking for my opinions. Was I invisible? Was I even noticeable? Was I really out of their sight? They made such stupid decision, not caring about how I really felt at that moment. And yes, you can totally imagine the situations after I was officially registered for KC High. I didn't talk to them for a week. I was so mad at them. Didn't they know how much I hated/hate Mandarin? I hate it I hate it I hate it. I feel like a bird that has been locked in a cage for decades. I feel like a stupid AH LIAN studying Mandarin from kindergarten, primary school and high school. Please, NO MORE MANDARIN WHEN I GO TO OVERSEAS FOR FURTHER STUDIES.

It's been 3 years. Yes, THREE YEARS. They don't know, I friggin' cried just for the friggin' maths exam. I didn't get the point. All the formulae, all the equations. Okay I SUCK IN MATHS. Don't ever think that students in A class are all prodigies. Especially someone good-for-nothing like me. The don't know, HOW STRESSED I ALWAYS AM when I come to class tests and school exams. Do you guys know that we're actually studying twice of what you guys are studying? We study maths (including SPM add-maths and mod-maths syllabus), chemistry, physics, biology, geography (c), history (c), chinese, english, BM for JUEC ; KH, sejarah, geografi, maths, science, chinese, english, BM for PMR. See. THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL ... S-T-R-E-S-S. If you're sitting for only PMR in a government school, PLEASE, FEEL BLESSED.

I study, just because I wanna remain in A class and not for my future or whatsoever. THIS TIME, I'm gonna make a huge decision of a lifetime. I HAVE MY OWN RIGHTS AND I DON''T WANNA BE CONTROLLED. I DON'T WANNA STUDY USELESS STUFFS. I DON'T WANT MY TEENAGE LIFE TO BE SO STRESSED OUT. I DON'T WANT MY LIFE TO BE SO DEVASTATED. IMMA REVIVE IT FROM DEATH! I WANNA SUBSTITUTE SOMETHING I DEEPLY LIKE TO MY LIFE.

I would have to say that, NOT all of the students can handle such pressure. But well, some are good enough to cope with all of these. Especially those who are really interested in these subjects and those who are already so sure that they would be heading to the 'chinese-lane'. Like going to Taiwan or China. ME?????? PUH-LEASE!

How can I believe in myself when I'm not even being me??

I'M SO LEAVING.

No xoxo today for you. I'm on fire.

:: STARRY STARRY NIGHT ::

Smile for the sake of a smile,

Smile for the sake of happiness,

Smile for the sake of life,

Smile because of hope left in life.

Smile my friends,

Smile for me my Love,

Smile those same sweet smiles,

Smile so the world can be a peaceful dove...

Smile

xoxo